Evil Meow

TTTO “Evil Laugh”, Seanan McGuire

If you wanna be specific, it was upholsterific
Oh this couch is so grand –
It is cozy and fantastic, it was leather – it is classic
It is here I’ll sleep and stand!

And you said “this house is my home,
The living room so fine!
You’re free to wonder and to roam
But this couch here is mine!’
But you know I am feline…

My meow is an evil meow! Shed shed shed shed hi!
My cat box’s really swell, but your couch is nearby
My cat’s hair lying in a trail, for this place
Is the place I would rest my tail!
My meow is an evil meow! Shed shed shed shed hi!

I just can’t ignore that I’m a Felis Cat-
-us, though it seems that you forgot
It’s my nurture, it’s my nature, if not nomenclature
I’m the King and you are not!

And I thought, “we’ll call this human ‘slave’”
Why is this a surprise?
This is how all cats you know behave
I thought you’d realize.
It’s time for you to recognize…


This couch is really great, thanks a bunch
It’s time to celebrate – won’t you get my lunch?
I’m pretty sure you knew cats when you brought me in the door
Bearing that firmly in mind, what’d you think you were needed for?
I’m hungry, and I need to eat! [Dumb dumb]
So now go and bring me some meat! [Yum yum!]
My meow is an evil meow. Shed shed, NOM NOM, hi!

Please don’t be offended, it’s not what I intended,
Though I don’t care if you are
I won’t get any thinner – you’ll be giving me dinner
I’ll go lounge on your bar

Because, hey, this house is mine alone!
I rule all I survey!
That’s cats – they’re kings right to the bone
It’s always been the way
There’s just one more thing to say: