One, Threes, and a Seven

TTTO “Threes” by Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish

Loosely based on the “1337” 5-part XKCD series.

Somewhere in suburbia
Where parents go relax
A mother is now baking
And with just one hand she hacks
She’s playing with the wifi
And she rewrites TCP
And all the hackers, everywhere
Want just like her to be

Three things see no end,
A loop that has no exit code
The number of transistors
And the circle in a road

She won’t allow you to encrypt
‘Cause mother always knows
So VPNs and SSH
Those sockets she will close
She may not look and dress and part
But trust me when I say
That in the game for who has skills
One other’ll only play

Three things are most perilous
Technician with patch
That mother’s youngest daughter
And the man who’s met his match

Little did that lady care
Her son’s name burned the school
For little bobby tables knows
His real name’s just so cool
For she likes puns and funny jokes
And names with meta tricks
Her daughter, she is named Elaine,
With first name just for kicks

Of three things be wary of,
The user’s input strings
The overflowing buffers
And the source IP of pings

When eleven this kid turned,
The master she had met
Had taught her all that he had known
And that she’d not forget
She could not leave the mountain home
Before she had him beat
But he just had to let her go
Her code was just too l33t

Three things are impossible,
To know when programs halt
To solve those NP problems
And to fix a mem’ry fault

She’d break into the NSA
For giggles and for fun
And also to make just quite sure
That RSA’s not done
She learned of copyright abuse
Of Disney’s bribes and crimes
The iPod – that was her idea
Somewhere to put our rhymes

Three things are incredible,
Technology that’s new
The internet and a release
That’s done by deadline’s due

She cracked up all the DRM
The bad guys took up arms
The new laws they had bought for that
To fight some made up “harms”
She’d come to realize that it was legal
What they do
For when the people are asleep
The law that’s passed they’ll rue

Three things never trust in,
A law to save the kids
A law to fight technology
And one that speech forbids

She was not left to her demise
For hackers know their own
And so a guy named R M S
Said, “you’d not fight alone”
He brandished his Katana sword
The lawyers, they felt fear
They had no plan and no recourse
To fight, they’d need – this year

Three things can still save our ass
The freedoms that remain
When we help fight each other’s fights
And don’t forgot our brain

The blogosphere can get the drop
On those that creep by night
And Cory D and R M S
Will help us in the fight
And those who are called pirates
Are our friends, because you see
The global warming they help stop
When they sail on the sea

Three things please remember –
We must win in the end,
Our rights – we must protect them still,
The internet’s your friend