When I Was a Troll

TTTO “When I Was a Boy” by Frank Hayes

When I was a troll, on Kuro5hin (pronounced corrosion)

Leaving some flamebaits for fun

Getting the newbies to answer

Now kuro5hin’s forgotton, not gone

But it still beat the postings on sci.math

Asking that tired old mine

Querying whether 1.0 is the same

As 0.99999

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot

Modded them upwards to five

And petrified Natalie Portman

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even three-chan

And a CAPTCHA? Oh really, how droll!

And we posted from funny accounts

When I was a troll

When I was a troll on ol’ usenet

Posting on comp.language.c

Explaining ‘bout garbage collection

And asking on structures for trees

And you kids who complain that the World Wide Web

Is spammy oughtta cut out your bitchin’

‘Cus when I was a troll every flamewar

Was turned into wars of religion!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,

Modded them upwards to five

And petrified Natalie Portman,

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even two-chan

And a lolcat? Oh really, how droll!

And we posted from wireless networks

When I was a troll.

When I was a troll all the forums

Were belonging to us where they stood

And we wrapped all our memes in macros,

To protect them as best as we could

And we made people in hurl in a bucket

When we linked to some horrible pr0n,

And we rickrolled and goetsed and tubgirled,

Because we could not let you down!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,

Modding them upwards to five,

And petrified Natalie Portman,

Keeping discussions alive

Back when 4chan was not even one-chan

And Anonymous? Oh really, how droll?

And we did all our posting from proxied connections

When I was a troll