Never Set Yourself on Fire

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Never Set Yourself on Fire</strong></em></font>
Original: Never Set the Cat on Fire (Frank Hayes)

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Never set yourself on fire, it hurts and burns and itches
The heat will only help inspire thoughts of burning witches
Likewise do not ignite the fen, the con hotel or helpful men
And never set yourself on fire

Obey the signs, that FLARE put here, and re: a pyre
Don’t ever set yourself on fire

Don’t walk around without a badge, for you’re not undercover
And if you lose it then you must pay for a new one over
And though you think your life’s a bore, don’t hire aliens off the floor
Don’t walk around without a badge,

Don’t walk around without clothes, for we will see right through ya
“No costume is no custom” rule: it’s a simple sane idea
And though you really like some cats, you cannot bring to the hotel pets
Don’t walk around without clothes

Don’t start an interfandom war, there are no helpful uses
Is Buffy better? Or is Lost? You’ll just light lots of fuses
If three or thirty fans get hurt, a single fan still won’t convert
Don’t start an interfandom war