Never Set Yourself on Fire

<p style=”margin-left:30px;”><font face=”Arial,Helvetica” size=”+1”><em><strong>Never Set Yourself on Fire</strong></em></font>

Original: Never Set the Cat on Fire (Frank Hayes)

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Never set yourself on fire, it hurts and burns and itches

The heat will only help inspire thoughts of burning witches

Likewise do not ignite the fen, the con hotel or helpful men

And never set yourself on fire

Obey the signs, that FLARE put here, and re: a pyre

Don’t ever set yourself on fire

Don’t walk around without a badge, for you’re not undercover

And if you lose it then you must pay for a new one over

And though you think your life’s a bore, don’t hire aliens off the floor

Don’t walk around without a badge,

Don’t walk around without clothes, for we will see right through ya

“No costume is no custom” rule: it’s a simple sane idea

And though you really like some cats, you cannot bring to the hotel pets

Don’t walk around without clothes

Don’t start an interfandom war, there are no helpful uses

Is Buffy better? Or is Lost? You’ll just light lots of fuses

If three or thirty fans get hurt, a single fan still won’t convert

Don’t start an interfandom war