Goddamn Bitch

Carl, the interfilk guest, said he cannot write funny songs about break-ups. I decided to treat it as a challenge…

TTTO Tom Smith’s “Suit of Armor” (from iTom)

The sacred vow of a wife is to keep her faith all true
It does not matter what white knight rides to her rescue
While gratefulness is awesome, it is a virtue, so?
Yeah, I know all that, it’s no excuse, our relationship to blow

We really needed money and I stayed at work all night
When a noise in the dark, apparently, gave my wife a fright
The night was cool, the breeze was soft, and she went right outside
She didn’t even have the sense, you see, in home to hide

Well, right behind, Sir Gallywho says “Can I help you, ma’am
I see you’re still in underwear, and, oh my breath, goddamn”
And so instead of slapping him, his offer she did take
She actually then went inside his house, the lying snake

And so, you can all guess my friends, what happened in that place
A married woman, and a neighbour, oh my what a disgrace
And when I got back, I was told “you’re not needed anymore
Here is your stuff, we’ll happily then show you to the door”

Now, I couldn’t rightly tell you who did what to whom or how,
But I honestly can’t say that I care much about the cow
And so I left her with that man, I hope they rot in hell
And let him just remember, that where I slipped, he fell

For now his wife, you can say, that the woman gets around
But she became much smarter now, and so she isn’t found
So now I’m freakin’ happy that I’m out on my own
It would have ended sooner, if only I had known